


shadows and sunlight

by Gorgeous Nerd (gorgeousnerd)



Series: bandom_meme fills [3]
Category: Bandom, Midtown, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Community: bandom_meme, Early in Canon, M/M, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-13
Updated: 2012-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-07 15:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/432755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeousnerd/pseuds/Gorgeous%20Nerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabe could almost see light trying to escape from Gerard's skin, like some magic that wouldn't stay contained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shadows and sunlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [turlough](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turlough/gifts).



> Originally posted for bandom_meme [here](http://bandom-meme.dreamwidth.org/3759.html?thread=182191#cmt182191). Make sure to look at the content tags for story warnings. Also on [DW](http://firmament.dreamwidth.org/54212.html) and [LJ](http://chomalfoyfics.livejournal.com/64495.html).

Sometimes, you looked at a band and just _knew_. It was even true for a guy like Gabe, who wasn't willing to admit he had his head up his ass more days than not.

But he knew it when he saw My Chem, and Gerard in particular. When Gerard wasn't getting wasted backstage - just as likely before a show as after, which said something about the way he performed - Gabe could almost see light trying to escape from Gerard's skin, like some magic that wouldn't stay contained. Some days, Gabe wondered if it just looked that way because his band was getting darker, fading out of existence.

"Or maybe our band's a comet," Mikey shouted back when Gabe shared his theory at a post-gig party. "And we're burning out."

"Think that's a meteor, bro."

Mikey nodded but didn't say anything else. He was too busy watching Gerard play some sloppy drinking game in the corner. If it had rules, they'd been forgotten at least an hour before.

"What's his deal?" Gabe yelled over the music to Mikey.

Mikey clutched his red plastic cup tighter. "He's sad. And he's pretending not to be."

A triumphant cry came from the table, and Gerard pumped his hands into the air, eyelids drooping. He slipped out of the chair and onto the floor, knocking his beer onto the carpet next to him. The rest of the table laughed.

Gabe brushed his sweaty curls out of his face. "Need help getting him back to your van?" he asked Mikey.

Mikey took a very long drink.

-

Gerard, like many lead singers, ran in circles sidestage before most sets. My Chem wasn't big enough for roadies or techs to do their setup, and for some grand reveal with a ridiculous stage show, but Gabe sensed it in their future whenever he saw them thrash around. Colors, makeup, costumes, that was Gerard's shit, and he was meant to have it.

Gabe usually swung by to wave to Mikey while they tuned and to tell Gerard to break a leg or whatever. The length of their conversation usually depended on how wound up Gerard was. It was rarely longer than a hello.

"We should really hang out when we get back to Jersey," Gabe said the night before the tour's last show. "Commune."

Gerard's eyes focused on Gabe's for a few seconds, and Gabe's breath hitched. Maybe Gerard could see just as much about him, the hollow center that was the exact opposite of everything Gerard was trying to deaden.

And then his eyes went fuzzy again.

"Yeah, cool," he said, clapping Gabe on the arm. But he dug in his fingers a little, and when Gabe broke away to peek up at Mikey, he could feel the imprints in his skin.

-

"I have a basement," Gerard had said before the bands had separated. He'd written an address on a gross old napkin and tossed it Gabe's direction. Gabe brandished the napkin in salute and had called Mikey the first chance he got.

They didn't go in the basement the first night. They ended up on a couch in a room with dark walls and dolls staring vacantly, and Gabe ended up watching Monty Python with Gerard and Mikey. Or he was supposed to, anyway. It was more fun to hear the brothers quoting along and having oddly similar high-pitched laughs, and watching Gerard bum cigarettes off his very tolerant mom.

But later the same week, when Mikey was out, Gabe ended up in the basement, watching the sun sink outside Gerard's window while Gerard laid flat on his bed.

"Do you ever think about it?" Gerard murmured. "How close we always are to the end?"

Something twisted in Gabe's stomach. It wasn't like he didn't think dark crap sometimes; it was hard to be branded "emo" and not. But staring at Gerard on the bed, it was too easy to see how much Gerard wanted it all to end. Even if he didn't actually know it.

The room lost its golden glow, and everything turned blue. Gerard's face grew shadowed as he gaped at the ceiling.

"We're always close to the beginning, too," Gabe said finally, looking away toward a vampire drawing stuck to the wood paneling. "On the cosmic scale, it's almost like we never left."

They sat quietly until the room went completely dark, and then Gerard sat up and turned on a lamp, rubbing his eyes as light flooded the room.

"I should..." Gabe gestured behind him.

Gerard wasn't meeting his gaze. "You could stay."

"You want me to stay?"

"I..." Gerard's shoulders slumped, and he bit his lip.

Gabe took a breath, then another, then slid his palm against Gerard's cheek. Gerard grabbed at his hand - not to shove it off, but to hold it closer - and it was like a fucking spotlight lit him up from the inside when he finally stared straight at Gabe.

"Yeah," he said finally, and with just the smallest hint of his frontman swagger, he pulled Gabe close enough for them to kiss.

It didn't end up being much from an outsider's perspective. Just Gabe taking Gerard's place on the bed, Gerard lying on top, both of them grinding together. When Gerard came in his pants and rolled off, Gabe took out his own dick and finished up. But they locked eyes the entire time, and the way Gabe clutched at Gerard, it was like he was trying to get some of Gerard's spark to rub off on him. Or to get something of his to rub off on Gerard, whatever that might be.

It was the way they made out even after they both came that really counted. It wasn't like they wanted to go again. They just both needed it, and with Gabe holding Gerard in his arms, he wasn't sure who needed it more.

-

Mikey saw Gabe leave the next day.

"You know it won't fix him," he said quietly. "No one can."

Gabe gave Mikey a one-armed hug. "He can do it himself."

And with one last squeeze, he went out in the light, sunglasses on.


End file.
